From 3 to 1

I now have the end of summer blues! It happens every year when the boys go back to their dad's. I go from 3 very busy kiddos to just 1 very busy little girl! I run and run all summer when they are all together to try and make memories for each of them to hold onto until we are all back together again. It is exhausting in the most wonderful way! The hardest part is putting all the stuff away. Washing the last bit of laundry left from them being here, finding pop tart wrappers stuffed in the couch, picking up Dawson's notebook of stories and pictures he created over the summer, gently packing their bibles away until winter. It all really stinks! There is no other way to describe it. It is a raw numb pain that happens every year after they go back. It has been harder this time because really understands what is going on now and really misses them here. She and I are kinda lost right now. Neither of us know exactly what to do with our extra time. But it will pass like always and each day is easier. i know that they are happy and are really excited to start their new school and sports. And as long as they are happy that is all I need to be ok with things. Like I have said before some people don't understand how I cope with the situation but the story from the old testament really gives me strength, (when the King said that he would cut the child in two because they both claimed the child as their own. The real mother stepped back and let the other woman have the child so that he was not hurt) I know that I am far far from that woman but I truly feel like I have to step back so that they can have a calm peaceful life.

So now it is me and the Grace and we are getting ready to go back to Germany! I am getting excited about going back home. I have had some trouble adjusting but alot has to do with my own attitude and being that I am one who does not do change well I needed my attitude adjusted a little bit. And it is adjusted!!!!! I miss Dean so much and so does Grace. I can't wait to see him! Grace and I have one more adventure and then we are off! We are going to the beach!! Yeah I so love the sand between my toes! It is like therapy! And I am in much need of some therapy!! haha Speaking of which I am so getting a pedicure tommorow and that makes every girl feel better!!!! Now the only question is french or ch ching cherry???!!