A saturday thought...

Here is a little Saturday morning thought...
According to Grace with all of her 4 year old knowledge, the correct way to say hippopotumus is hippo miss potumuses. We have gone rounds this morning so she wins from now on the "hippo" has a new name in the Mckendree home! :)
oh and i went upstairs to get my shoes on and found little miss with my tall black boots jamming to the new High School Musical 3 soundtrack. She informed me today she "will be a rockstar when I grow up"

Real

On Becca's blog she posted a challenge to list 10 "real" things about yourself. I did not think it would be that hard but I have been trying to post this for a couple days now!

1. I still struggle daily with the fact that I got pregnant young and they get that " I am counting exactly how old you were in my head look"that they will think I was just some hoochy. I was NOT and am NOT a hoochy!!! I swear and I am so blessed to have my sweet boys.
2. I feel like I am in the "out crowd" sometimes in church settings because I am divorced and remarried don't have the perfect little family. I love my big blended crazy family.
3. I struggle to stay in my bible like I should. It hurts me but still it seems I always am going too and things come up and I put it off.
4. I am so worried about what other people think...
5. I always feel guilty when people write about that people are"lurking" on their blogs because I love toread but I don't always comment in fear that they don't like me or don't know me. I am shy in real life, until people talk to me first
6. I don't like my body,and I really don't like that the fact that I have put on 25 pounds since I got remarried! Ugh that is really hard to say
7. I struggle that I am not a good enough mom to my kids. All of them. I worry that the boys will resent me for not being there more, I worry that Drew and the twins will think I don't love them becasue they aren't my real kids, I worry that grace will think that she has horrific parents because all her brothers and sister don't live with us.
8. I try so hard to have that "perfect" home, but I have dishes and laundry and dusty shelves etc...
9. I love politics! love love love
10. When I am sad or Dean goes TDY or gets deployed I buy double stuffed Oreos and cottage cheese and dorritos. Maybe that would account for the weight gain!! :)

Well that is 10 very real things about me. I challenge you to "get real" as well. Thanks Becca for the challenge!

What to do...

I really don't even know where to start. I have been feeling really, well I don't even know the words for it. If you know me well you know enough that I am constant worry about my boys and the influence if any I have on them. I worry that they will grow up and think that I just left them and I don't care, or are they going to hit those teenage years and blame me for everything that is wrong in their lives. And if they do that is ok. I know that things have been very difficult for them growing up definately not the picture I had so many years ago,
I have tried to do what I thought was best. I know that I could have done alot of things differently. I felt like all the fighting over them had to stop and I am not talking about the courts, that is a whole other story, I knew that I had to let go and let God take over and stop being so angry over the situation. It is what it is and putting them in the middle of a tug of war was not and is not fair to them. I feel like in the past more than now I was shoved out of there lives and kept in a neat little box as "the other mom" sometimes just "casey" It hurts really bad but I know that God is in control. And I did not kick and scream louder because I just wanted them to have peace in their life! But I am so sad and I am hurting for them! They are both going through some things now and they are having a tough time and I am not there to make it better! That is what a mom is supposed to do, be there always and I am not. I am failing misserably! Things are much better between the "grown ups" and we are all trying to work together and stay on the same page for them. I call every weekend and it is more difficult because of the time difference. Even as I type this I don't want to sound whiney and like this is all about me becasue it is not! It is about them and I just want them to be ok! So if you are reading this and you can give me thought or ideas or scriptures I will gladly take all I can get.

Here are my sweet boys! Julie took this picture this summer and she is awesome!!! Thanks again julie!

Praying for Harper

I stumbled upon this blog today and this sweet family needs prayer!

Cold...

It has been so cold here lately, I can't think back to when it has been over 32' degrees outside. The sun has been shining so that has been nice. But I am longing for the warmer temps back home! Gracie is still not convinced that is cold outside! She is wearing shorts, tights, and a short sleeve shirt now! She has quite the fashion sense!!

That's right ladies and gents those are true ruby slippers there! A girl must always be prepared with the right shoes!

How could you not...

love this girl!!!!!



This picture was taken at Ider-Oberstein, we visited last weekend. I thought it would be nice to show how the little villages light up there streets for Christmas.