I really don't even know where to start. I have been feeling really, well I don't even know the words for it. If you know me well you know enough that I am constant worry about my boys and the influence if any I have on them. I worry that they will grow up and think that I just left them and I don't care, or are they going to hit those teenage years and blame me for everything that is wrong in their lives. And if they do that is ok. I know that things have been very difficult for them growing up definately not the picture I had so many years ago,
I have tried to do what I thought was best. I know that I could have done alot of things differently. I felt like all the fighting over them had to stop and I am not talking about the courts, that is a whole other story, I knew that I had to let go and let God take over and stop being so angry over the situation. It is what it is and putting them in the middle of a tug of war was not and is not fair to them. I feel like in the past more than now I was shoved out of there lives and kept in a neat little box as "the other mom" sometimes just "casey" It hurts really bad but I know that God is in control. And I did not kick and scream louder because I just wanted them to have peace in their life! But I am so sad and I am hurting for them! They are both going through some things now and they are having a tough time and I am not there to make it better! That is what a mom is supposed to do, be there always and I am not. I am failing misserably! Things are much better between the "grown ups" and we are all trying to work together and stay on the same page for them. I call every weekend and it is more difficult because of the time difference. Even as I type this I don't want to sound whiney and like this is all about me becasue it is not! It is about them and I just want them to be ok! So if you are reading this and you can give me thought or ideas or scriptures I will gladly take all I can get.
Here are my sweet boys! Julie took this picture this summer and she is awesome!!! Thanks again julie!
I have tried to do what I thought was best. I know that I could have done alot of things differently. I felt like all the fighting over them had to stop and I am not talking about the courts, that is a whole other story, I knew that I had to let go and let God take over and stop being so angry over the situation. It is what it is and putting them in the middle of a tug of war was not and is not fair to them. I feel like in the past more than now I was shoved out of there lives and kept in a neat little box as "the other mom" sometimes just "casey" It hurts really bad but I know that God is in control. And I did not kick and scream louder because I just wanted them to have peace in their life! But I am so sad and I am hurting for them! They are both going through some things now and they are having a tough time and I am not there to make it better! That is what a mom is supposed to do, be there always and I am not. I am failing misserably! Things are much better between the "grown ups" and we are all trying to work together and stay on the same page for them. I call every weekend and it is more difficult because of the time difference. Even as I type this I don't want to sound whiney and like this is all about me becasue it is not! It is about them and I just want them to be ok! So if you are reading this and you can give me thought or ideas or scriptures I will gladly take all I can get.
Here are my sweet boys! Julie took this picture this summer and she is awesome!!! Thanks again julie!
1 comment:
Casey, you are so sweet. I'm praying for you sweetie and sorry you are feeling this way. You are a GOOD momma. Your boys know that, I could just see it.
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